Fishing Blues

Am I truly an insensitive, bumbling ass? Last night I had an argument with the lil lady. She was pissed that I would go out and try to do something while she was feeling miserable. While she had thought earlier in the day it was a good idea for me to go fishing and get away for a few hours, it was not alright by the time I was supposed to leave. I went anyway, and I was in the doghouse all night and all morning. I don't know what to think of these situations. I realize that she is super stressed due to all the craziness in her life right now, but is it alright for her to express that through being angry over all the little things? It's like her brain has been forced into a state of pessimism.

I guess I just don't relate because I try to never treat anybody poorly or say anything mean, unless I think it is a deserved thing. I have had some comments made to me in arguments with her that were quite hurtful, in fact, I think if I would have said something of equal caliber to her, she would have said fuck you and dropped me on the spot. So why don't I? Things seem so good when they are good. We can communicate very well usually, and we get along great. When things get bad, they get equally as bad. I know every relationship has it's ups and downs, as cliche as that sounds, but what happens when you feel like the downs are making themselves present more?

What really makes it difficult is the fact that it is not usually something in our relationship that kicks off the horrible fights. If it were problems we were having between the two of us coming up all the time, that would be one thing. But we have fights over things like something another girl said to me, or the fact we are late.

I feel like she is looking for the negative in all the things I do, and applying this to our relationship. Instead of seeing me going fishing as being a nice break for both of us because life has been so crazy, she sees it as me ditching her, leaving her at home to feel horrible all by herself. Why didn't she tell me when I asked that she didn't want me to go? Because when I asked, it was ok. To top it off, it was my fault things blew up because I guess I should not have called back to check in on her when I knew she was so upset (!?!?!).

I don't know what is happening here. I used to be one of the guys. I drank beer, I fished, I played poker, and I was a rambler. Now I go home from work everyday to spend the evening with the lil lady, I feel guilty leaving her to be by herself (because I know that she hates it), and I don't go out and have guy nights anymore unless I am fishing. Unfortunately, fishing almost always leads to an argument.

Just to put it in perspective, she hates that I go fishing because I am out late and I come home with beer on my breath. However, twice in the past two weeks, she has gone out, promising to come home soon, and both times she stayed out until sunrise, and came home so stumbling drunk she couldn't stand up. To top it all off, both nights I was up all night worried that something happened to her because she didn't even call. I didn't get mad either time. I am too laid back for my own good.

There's no moral to this story today. All I can say is that I know I shouldn't try to understand the wimmin, I always end up guessing wrong.