Roller Coaster

Life is crazy right now. Every time I think I know what is going on, life flips on me. What the hell? Example: I got a full time job and stayed in this town because my girlfriend was considering staying in school for a couple more years. I landed a good job, just got into the swing of things, and now I find that school might not be happening, and I now feel that we are still in this town because of the fact I have responsibilities with my job. I mean, I like my town, I even like my house, but now is prime time to make a move, while I am young! Maybe I just have wander lust. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Anyway, aside from my job, life is crazy too. There has been a lot of emotion in our relationship lately because the lil lady is going through a lot right now, and when she gets snappy I don't have a lot of patience due to long days at work. We end up getting pissy, but as of lately we have managed not to let it develope into any big fights.

I am feeling guilty and off balance with my sex life. I recently (within the past 18 months) let my lil mamma in on the darker side of my sexual interests. She took it all very well and even displayed genuine interest in much of it. I am worried I have been moving too fast since then, though. I don't know, I am new to all of this, but I of course am still holding back greatly, because I am super kinky and my fantasies far surpass anything I am willing to just jump in and try out on her. So I go little by little. However, there have been a couple of times, due to her insecurities and my daff hastiness, when I made her feel uncomfortable. I resolved the situations immediately, but the things we were doing were not even a big deal to me. Does this mean I need a person who is themself kinky if I am to be happy? How open minded can a vanilla person be? I mean, my lil mamma likes things like sex in public and oral sex, but she still hesitates with bondage. I am being patient, but sometimes my patience grows thin when it comes to feeling like a freak for something I feel so strongly about. I wish I could just wear a sign and be accepted. How much easier life would be then.

Anyway, it's off to Wonderland for me, have fun kids!