Hell Day

Blogging has found itself a little further down on my priority list. I guess it doesn’t matter, nobody really reads this thing anyway. I can’t help but wonder about the amusing tales I may have written should I have kept up with this thing better. Oh well, I have lost many fine ideas for writing due to not putting them down on paper immediately.

So yesterday I had the day from Hell. Truly, I shit you now. I thought things had reached their maximum point of stress, and little did I even realize just how bad things can get. As I may have mentioned before, one of our cats has been missing for about a month now, and it really put a strain on our lives here. I was sad and dedicated much of my time to trying to locate our little guy, but the lil’ lady was torn apart. She had raised this cat from a kitten and the fact he was missing was absolutely more than she could handle. At first she blamed the move, and in doing so she totally tore apart our lives here, saying that we moved away from everything good, and that now we were stuck living somewhere that she could never live, and that all the choices we just made were completely in error. Well, this came out of left field, as I thought our new life was pretty damn nice. She shredded it all, made it sound like she was ready to get the hell out of here, with or without me.

Well, time healed the wound a bit, and I thought we were getting our feet back under us. She has met some people, and actually has some things she gets to do during the week that really excite her. She still breaks down and cries about the cat on occasion, but things had improved.

Cue yesterday. Actually, let’s start the night before. The stars were shining, we smoked a bowl and went out to watch the stars. The dogs finished their pee runs, and we headed upstairs, leaving all three of our other cats outside. Well, we forgot to keep the doors propped open, and the cats were locked out. I woke with a start the next morning at about 6:00 AM remembering this. I sprung out of my bed and ran downstairs to let the cats in. It was about 28 degrees F outside, and I figured they would be waiting right there to run right in. I was wrong. I waited and waited, and after about 10 minutes one of the cats came in. I decided to leave the door open and let the others find their way, as I crawled back into bed to try and get warm again. Two hours of laying there waiting for the sound of cats coming in was too much to bare. What a horrible way to start the day. I didn’t dare think about what would happen if these cats mysteriously disappeared like our other one. Oh god.

8:00 rolls around, time to get up and get to work. The lil’ lady was up and trying to get out the door, and never even realized the events of the night before. It’s better that way. She would have flipped out. I try to act like nothing is amiss, and she leaves for work not ever knowing anything is up. So begins the first half of Hellday.

As soon as I am alone I begin a search of the neighborhood. I begin on foot, but after searching the most probable close areas, I realize I need to cover more ground (as if a cat would come when called anyway, I am convinced looking for cats is a hopeless endeavor). I get my bike out and begin a road assault, and just in case, I leave the door cracked so the cats could get back in. As I ride and call, I think about how I took it for granted that last night was my last night living my normal life, how when the lil’ lady finds out about this, our lives will crumble and soon I will be in the midst of a new Great Depression in our relationship. I can’t take another one. I need some fucking normalcy. This is all killing me. I know she can’t take two more animals missing. I can’t take long nights of crying, searching, being awake all night. I can’t even imagine making up a whole new set of flyers. How can this be happening?

I search everywhere within a half mile. Where would they be hiding? It snowed last night, they are bound to be somewhere where there is cover. I decide to head home and see if they scooted back my way. As I near the driveway, I am horror stricken: I see one of the dogs standing in the driveway, looking for me. Oh god. I run inside and call. No dogs in the house. They all got out when I stupidly left the door cracked, and now I am missing two dogs as well as the cats.

Back on the bike. I must find the dogs. I am screaming their names, I am numb, I just wish that I could go back, open that fucking door the night before. Because of my forgetfulness, I have just sacrificed everything. What am I going to do?

One of the dogs comes running back around the house. I stick her inside, and I head out to find the final remaining dog. About a half a mile down the road, I find her running the in opposite direction. She turns and begins walking toward me when I call, and finally begins to follow me back to the house. It seems to take an hour, but I finally get her back and in the house. I crash on the couch and wonder what to do next. I can’t possibly find cats while riding around on a bike calling for them. They don’t respond like dogs.

I decide to get to work and see if I can pass the day, telling myself they will be home in the evening. I cannot keep my mind on work and all I can think about is how the lil lady is going to handle the news. How should I break it to her? I am scared that she will break down right there in front of me. Will she be brave and just begin the searching process all over again? I can’t bare the thought, can she? Maybe I should lie, and say I saw them and they went back out. That would leave the chance open that they would come home tonight and I would not have to deal with the trauma. Shit.

The day passes slowly, and every hour I go outside and call for the cats, hoping they will run out of a culvert or around the corner. Where the hell could they be? Would two cats really just run off? My brain says no, but my gut feeling is rotten. Please let them get home before the lil’ lady comes home.

This was one of the most dreadful days I have experienced, and about 2 hours after my lil mamma got home, the cats came home too. This experience has changed me. It aged me, for one thing, but it really made me appreciate once again how fragile our comfortable lives can be. Be careful, and don’t take too much for granted. You can find it has all changed in a heartbeat.