It feels good to get an early start on the morning. It means I can take a break later without any guilt at all. What a wonderful thing.

I can't wait to be done with April. I just had to put $1,000 into my truck, I owe a butt load of taxes, and I am feeling super strapped for money right now. Add that to my meloncholy from a long winter and a crippled sex life, and I am officially about ready to scream. Last night I once again had a poor sexual encounter with the lil' lady.

I knew she had been in a bad mood for various reasons, and I thought to cheer her up I could fill the bedroom with lighted insence and candles, set the mood, ya know, and then I layed out some of her favorite restraints and left everything looking very sexy and nice. I then closed the bedroom door and waited for her to stumble onto the scene so I could surprise her and hopefully lay to rest a dreary day. Well here's the play by play:

She walks in the room, does not even pause when she opens the door, goes through, puts some dirty clothes away, and then walks back out without saying a word. I then go over and try to give a hug, which is resisted, and so I tell her I'm sorry if the timing was poor, I just thought if she was in a bad mood maybe I could surprise her and make her feel better in my own little way. Her reply: I am in a bad mood, and I can't just snap out of it.

I blew out the candles, put out the insence, put things away, and ended the night watching TV.

Fuck.

Maybe my timing really was poor. I knew that what she was mad about was not a major thing, but I also knew that lately she has had some trouble letting things go. I have tried to tell her that sometimes you just have to laugh at the little bad things that happen to you in life, because if you let them get you down, it's good for nobody. I don't know if she has listened to me at all or not. All I know is that last night made me feel like a genuine ass, and now I am once again confronted with all doubts about what the hell is going on here.

Anyhow, fuck it all, right? Who am I to be bitching. Women wonder why when us guys go fishing we fish from dusk until dawn, as often as we can, and don't necessarily miss the normal home life. Fuck that, just me and the fish, that's when things are truly peaceful. I will soon enough escape to my boat. Maybe avoiding this stuff will do no good, but I need a little peace of fuckiing mind, before I freak out. Am I being short sided?

BTW- not that anybody reads this rant, but if you choose to leave a comment, please know that anything being perceived as SPAM will be immediately erased. Peace.