Communicatory Gender Boundaries?

Miscommunication. Now this is a subject worth writing about. I'll tell you about this phenomenon. It takes place more often than you think. In fact, I wonder if anybody actually understands anything you say the way you meant it. I would be willing to bet we are all making gross misinterpretations, but that is not what concerns me right now.

Today, I am thinking of the miscommunications that can happen and make life messy. I am talking about when your girlfriend says you can go fishing, but actually means no, but you go anyway because you thought she meant yes. I am talking about trying to cancel a cell phone at the end of the month, but the heavily accented tele-technician on the other end turns it off that instant, making your phone number of over a year suddenly worthless, all the while nobody was informed it was changing. I am talking about the night the girlfriend said she was going out for a drink, and at 5 am that morning, after I spent the night frantically calling all over town, including the police, trying to figure out what happened, and she comes stumbling in the door drunk and unable to remember what all happened.

Miscommunication is not always fun, though it can offer some humor. I myself could go without this terrible form of argument-starter. What gives? Why is it that somebody who knows me better than anybody else in the world can still misread me so greatly at times. I would almost even ask the ranting question "why can't I figure out what the hell she is trying to tell me before she gets mad that I didn't catch on?", but that question has been answered by the age old tradition of women not saying what they want, but trying to hint at it enough that us men will come to the conclusion without the need of blatant hand-holding.

Women: hold your man's hand! We cannot decipher these puzzles. You need to tell us what the fuck you want! If you want us to stay home and have a nice evening alone with you tonight, say that, do not say (with a sarcastic undertone)"Sure, I don't see why you wouldn't just go fishing tonight!" This does not say to a man that he shouldn't go fishing. This is pretty much saying yes to us. We need you to but things bluntly. "No honey, put that rod down. You are to go into the bedroom and put on clothing that does not smell like it came from the bowls of a bass. We will then go out and you can treat me to a nice dinner and a few drinks, and afterwards we can come home, you can tie me to the bed, gag me, and we will make ferocious love until we either pass out or go outside to watch the sunrise!" Now that says to me, the lil lady would like it if I don't fish tonight.

Tell us what you want! Say the words! If you are unsure of exactly what you want, don't pass the puzzle on to your man. A guy will only make a mess of this. Make it simple and clear, this is how we communicate. We are not good interpretors of emotional language, and the saying yes but meaning no stuff is like saying to a dog in the friendliest voice you can muster, "Bad dog!" It doesn't get the message across.

Having said that, I will now go back to trying to figure out what I should have done differently the last time...