Summertime Blues

Man, it is summer and I am feeling way stressed. In some ways, I understand what is going on and know it will get better. In others, I don't know why I feel so distraught at times.

Part of my stress is residual stress from the transition into my new job. I am still wondering if I am doing a good enough job, if they want to keep me on, if there is something that I am overlooking. I also wonder if this job is suited for me, if I wouldn't be happier doing something else right now. It's hard, because I know a lot of people my age that are working their ass off in the hot sun every day, doing miserable tasks and just plugging through life. I have worked manual labor my whole life, and I am happy that I do not have to tolerate the muscle pain and sunburn right now.

I guess I just have a fantastic view of how work should be. Karl Marx spoke of how the laborer in the capitalist system becomes alienated from his or her work. People used to make their goods by hand, taking their time and taking pride from their work. You used to feel closely associated with what you did. Your job was what you were. You could be a blacksmith, a cobbler, or a banker. Now jobs are so specialized that we have become seperated from our labor. Oftentimes, people creating things (like people on an assembly line) may not even know what the part that they make goes to, let alone take pride in the final product. Work is not something we look forward to doing, it's not a source of identity. Instead, it has now become something seperate from our lives. I go to work. I don't enjoy what I do, but the pay is good so I sacrifice the hours of my life for money. I do not love what I do, I am alienated from it.

What do I do? I would gratefully listen to any advice. I know I need to stick with it for now, but I think one of my goals in life is to allign my energy in such a way that I am not spending my days wishing the hours away, waiting for 5:00. It seems ashame to want time to pass more quickly. Time is limited, folks! Get yourself a job that matters to you, that makes you feel good, that you identify with. This is worth more than dying with a large bank account. With that little secret of life, I bid you all good night.